Ode to Recent Events

I've been doing a LOT of thinking lately.
Those who know me... know this probably isn't a good thing. (I think enough as it is already.)Anyways, i've decided to join the blogger community. To basically use this as a venting, slash, self-therapy. Believe me, I need it. 2009 hasn't really started off on the best note for me... I've been in a car accident, fell down stairs, broke up with my fiance, and a lott of other crap. Ugh. This is going to be a year of cynisism, i can FEEL it. Ha Ha. Mondays funeral got me thinking a lot about life, love, etc.

On Life: I'm content with it for the most part. I'm alive, and i think i'm a pretty good person. I put others before myself, even if they're mean to me. I have many friends, some i wish i were closer to, and some i could bare to lose. I know where i want to be in the future, i know now that i shouldn't be afraid to take those steps. I will be taking these steps to strive and cope and live to my fullest extent. I wanna live my life like there's no tomorrow. To not be afraid of living, loving, and achieving my goals.

On Love: I want to love someone unconditionally. (Pretty much everyone wants that.) I want to be able to not be afraid to open myself up completely, and show them all the great qualities i have. I want to break down the wall that makes my heart ice-cold. I'm afraid of being hurt, and used, and to that extent, i shut myself down. I make things up in my mind... like he's unfaithful, or lying to me, etc. Someway, i feel that will soften the blow when the inevitable happens. The break-up. I act like it'll happen any day, and i don't focus on the relationship. Well, Jack was the same way... I guess two people afraid of love, couldn't work it out even though they still love each other. I feel it was my fault. And from that relationship, i have learned many things. I'll try to just not be so afraid, and just... LOVE. No matter what type, or how it happens.


I will grow stronger....

I will live, and love, and take on what life gives me.